TRUST, on your terms.
I’ve always wondered why people are so quick to blame others for a bump in the road. Misbehaviour some even might say.
In my eyes, if someone has mistreated you, disrespected you, whatever the situation may be… With the knowing that all I can control is my own actions, my first response is to look myself in the mirror and ask what boundary I might have miscommunicated, or potentially did not communicate at all.
I understand people can do some shit things in the realm of love, sex and all that sit in-between, yet blaming others and saying “fuck you, I’m innocent in all this” unfortunately won’t achieve anything.
They hurt you, okay. Move on. That’s pretty much it? If someone you love has hurt you, bank that knowledge, then apply it to the boundaries you put in place moving forward. It’s really that simple…
You can’t go back in time, you can’t block them out of your life (well you can but they’ll always be in your life as a lesson so what does blocking them achieve?), you can only look at yourself and ask what could ‘I’ have done better to potentially avoid this situation reoccurring in my future.
I’ve always said to my girlfriends,
‘wrapping someone up in bubble wrap and tying a ribbon on the top unfortunately doesn’t achieve anything’.
No matter how ‘perfect’ you may be, how long you’ve been together, married or unmarried…
The thought that another being is your territory is not only disrespectful and immature, it’s actually the polar opposite of trust, as holding trust IS respect, which equals unconditional love.
Consider this approach…
I trust the people I love to make the right decisions for them, for their own personal growth.
I choose that. I extend that trust to them.
If they break that arm I’ve extended out, that’s on them.
I choose to extend it accepting the unknown of how it’s received, the same way they choose whether to respect that I’ve extended it, or not…
The choice is their’s, as much as it is my own.
Trust in a relationship is crucial. You cannot move forward without it. So find where your line is and make sure you draw it in the sand for those around you.
The rest is up to them.
All you can control is yourself.
Your actions, your mentality, your values and your limits.
Learn them, then apply them… What people choose to do with them is completely out of your control.
And that’s why essentially, trust starts and ends with ourself. We have to learn what it means to us, define it on our own and know ourselves well enough to apply it to all the relationships we develop throughout our time on this planet.
Try it. Try holding yourself accountable for once.