DROPPING THE BALL .

I dropped it… Big time.

A constant mental battle in my brain of not excelling enough, not staying on top of everything, not keeping everyone happy, not being a good enough boss, not being a good enough partner, not being a good enough friend.

Not eating enough, eating too much, not running enough, running too much, insomnia, no down time, smoking too much, drinking too much, cold turkey, forgetting to pay bills, TOO MANY FKN BILLS, forgetting birthdays, what age am I again?

Not achieving to the highest of standards to the degree I need to, in order to feel satisfied, in order to say ‘I did it’… Did I?

MY MIND CURRENTLY =

I’ve dropped the ball. My ball.

AHHHHH !!!

AHHHHH !!!

Whether it be the fear of not being enough,

Insecurity of thinking I might never crack the code.

Thought of having to rely on others.

Not succeeding financially…

The pressure is there and it’s become more prevalent than ever.

DEFINE IT.

I’m completely out of character.

I sit in a social setting and dread the company. I sit in silence finding it more fascinating to observe my toes than engage in conversation. I’m having panic attacks and fainting episodes on the daily, as if they’re another limb on my body I have to learn how to utilise to my benefit. I’m kicking and screaming, quite literally.

In conclusion, as I move toward what I made my goal for this year, I move further away from the person I’ve always known, the me I’ve always enjoyed.

How can I make my vision of success come to life and keep myself intact all at the same time?

Facts… I’m not sure I can?

I’ve had many on too many conversations over a multitude of wines with my dearest and nearest hospitality business owners (friends, we’re like a gang). We have all discussed with as much resentment we possibly have that we simply cannot find balance between owning a business and maintaining a healthy, balanced mental and physical state. The two cannot exist together. But as the surrounding society always ponders… Why not?